Sermon by The Very Rev Chris Yaw, 5/28/2023, Pentecost Sunday
Lesson: Acts 2
My friend Tammy was born to a homeless woman who was addicted to heroin. Her birth had a sobering effect on her mother who struggled over the next 6 years to raise Tammy, at times with her birth father and then with an assortment of other men in her life. But after a dozen moves and constant struggles to keep food on the table and drugs off of it, Tammy's mom gave up - and Tammy was put up for adoption.
Thankfully, Tammy went to a good family who loved, cared for, and successfully guided her through the next 25 years of her life, as she graduated from high school then college, both times with honors before going to medical school and becoming a pediatric surgeon.
No sooner had Tammy started her first job and moved into a new place, when she heard a knock on the door - it was her birth mother! At first the reunion was awkward, then joyful as mother and daughter reminisced, then embraced, but then it got awkward again as Tammy's birth mother asked for money.
Tammy hesitated. Her mother argued, 'You can't say no, we're family!' to which Tammy said, 'Once, a long time ago, that may have been true, but ever since I can remember, my real family has not included you.’
The argument persisted and when it was clear that Tammy was not going to hand over any money, her mother stormed off - yet another reminder to all of us of how fraught, fragile, and failing, families can be!
And let us not for a moment think that this isn't biblical!
Adam and Eve - God's first couple! You think they'd be close to perfect.
They had two sons: One murdered the other and lied about it.
Then go to the Patriarchs - Abraham nearly murdered his son Isaac, who would grow up to successfully conspire with his mother to steal his older brother's inheritance, and then his son Jacob would favor his youngest son, Joseph so much that he would flaunt his favor, inspiring his jealous, older brothers to sell him to a traveling band of slave traders.
And there you have a quick lesson from the Bible's revered patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph - in wholesome, Biblical family values.
Murder, conspiracy, deception, intrigue, and a major dose of family dysfunction - now you know why the Bible has been such a bestseller!
A bestseller for the dramatic problems, but as we gather on this Sunday morning to remind ourselves, even more so, for its epic solutions... one of which we find in this amazing Pentecost story that we tried to tell in a new way with our linguistically talented readers - how did they do (applause)...
We only had them read the first 6 verses of Acts Chapter 2 because the following 10 verses get a bit more difficult, containing words we hear nowhere else in the Bible - here’s the continuation of that Acts Chapter 2 reading:
"Now there were devout Jews from every nation under heaven living in Jerusalem. And at this sound of the disciples speaking in other languages, the crowd gathered and was bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in the native language of each. Amazed and astonished, they asked, "Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us, in our own native language? Parthians, Medes, Elamites, and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabs-- in our own languages we hear them speaking about God's deeds of power." All were amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, "What does this mean?"
One thing this means is that God is doing something truly remarkable for you and me and the dysfunctional families that experts say, 80% of us come from.
The unpredictable and unstable foundation of the human family is being replaced by a new foundation - a Holy Spirit family - that unites, not with race, ethnicity, and language - but with the common language of God, which is love - thus establishing a spiritual family vastly superior to anything that preceded it.
---------
80% of us come from dysfunctional families? What’s that all about?
Experts define a dysfunctional family as a place where abuse, chaos, and neglect are accepted norms. Dysfunctional families are where unacceptable behaviors are overlooked, swept under the rug - or catered too.
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then some or more of these were normal:
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, it probably took you a while to realize it - because the family atmosphere, functional or dysfunctional, is just the water we swim in - and we’re not really aware until we’re exposed to better relationships - which is what, ideally, is supposed to happen at church.
--------------
My friend Justin grew up in a home where his mother drank too much. Not all the time - But at predictable times, like holidays or big family dinners, presumably to cope with the stress of having so much preparation for such a wide swath of her relatives. She would be making dinner, then all of a sudden vanish, only to be found later, passed out in an upstairs bedroom, stone drunk.
Justin’s father made sure no one knew the real reason his mom missed so many meals, “Oh, she’s got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and had to lie down,” his dad would say, “Oh, a friend got in a car wreck and she had to dash to the scene.” There was always an excuse to be made - the truth could not come out - Justin was told he had to go along with the ‘little white lies’ as his father called them, because it was part of what it meant to be ‘family’ - and ‘you have to love your family no matter what.’
This last piece of advice may be something you were told in your house - that ‘you have to love your family no matter what’ - and that you had to move outside your house to discover that there were healthier ways to handle things.
The Pentecost event is a welcome to a new family - and a new way of being family - by truly loving others - because the Holy Spirit is love in action - just as healthy families are meant to behave.
Now, many people get this wrong and suppose that love means we have to be co-dependent - and we can’t call people out for bad behavior - but have to tolerate it instead.
Too many people think that we must have peace at any price - even if that price is ignoring harmful behavior or keeping something secret that should be widely known.
We don’t, and we shouldn’t. We are not obligated to have close relationships with unhealthy people just because ’they’re family.’ It’s OK to be different than other people in your family.
You can create family relationships with people who aren’t related to you.
And that’s what Pentecost is about.
This is why Christians, from day one, have called one another ‘brothers and sisters’ - because the Holy Spirit has knit our hearts together that closely - and in ways many of us may not experience with our next of kin.
We are brothers in sisters in Christ - meant not to necessarily replace family relationships, but to broaden them with people who may be just as trustworthy and loving - perhaps even better.
Now this is not to say the Church is perfect at that - I, too, read the news this week - and yet another report of child sexual abuse occurring in a plethora of congregations in another denomination that was covered up by Headquarters: I am not saying churches are perfect - but I am saying there is an ideal that many congregations live up to - hopefully this one is close - we are close to being God’s solution to helping us navigate the complexities of life with the kinds of relationships that can help us thrive - which is part of the Abundant Life Jesus spoke about.
------------
“But, Father, I can’t turn my back on my mother, she’s the only one I have!”
This was my friend Stephanie’s response as she wrestled with breaking off her relationship with her mother after years and years of physical and emotional abuse.
She had tried a million times to change the dynamic - and her mother would say she was sorry - but never change her behavior - and in no time, Stephanie was getting picked on again.
It was harrowing and stressful - and Stephanie had to admit that without her mother in her life things were so much more peaceful. She was at ease, daily life was not anxious and chaotic.
Finally, Stephanie made the break. She told her mother she no longer wanted her in her life - yes, a very huge deal.
This meant that Stephanie had to put up with a litany of comments from friends and family members who, of course, didn’t know the whole story and questioned her decision.
So, Stephanie came up with a bit of a script to answer those comments - she’d say things like,
‘I understand that your relationship with mother might be different from mine, Please don’t tell me what’s best for me.’
OR
‘After much consideration I decided to end my relationship with my mother because it was the healthiest option for me.’
OR
‘I wish the situation were different, but it isn’t. It doesn’t help when you tell me what I should do.’
(Drama Free by Nedra Glover Tawwab p 121)
Of course, it hurt. It still does.
But time has done it’s part - and so has the church, because in the place of her mother, Stephanie found, in church, no shortage of people who just naturally mothered her - and regularly come alongside her to be for her the best they can be - that’s what The Church is supposed to be and do -
Pentecost is the answer to dysfunctional families.
So, this comes as no small challenge to you and me - who find ourselves tasked with maintaining this wonderful St. David’s atmosphere of sincere affection and cordiality we have for one another.
We do it in our own way - under a canopy not of tinsel and streamers - but recycled, red shopping bags, rescued from the landfill and waterways, tied together to, one day, make an underpass sleeping mat for a homeless person.
You are such a loving, considerate, and kind-hearted group - Yes, you are family.
And you come together for one another in such impressive ways.
Let us use Pentecost to build up those family ties -
To spread hope: that if you came from a dysfunctional family where trust, transparency, and sincerity were in short supply, look around at your family which is all about being more deeply knit together, bound, and rooted in the Love of God through Jesus Christ Our Lord.
Saints,
Grow in friendship!
Care for one another!
Strive to know and be known!
And let the love, mediated by the Holy Spirit, fall upon you afresh this morning - like the morning dew, to cleanse, refresh, and renew you, leading you to new places of joy and peace.
Amen.